In schools and homes, a quietly alarming scene repeats itself: children who memorize what is required, complete their assignments, and know exactly how to succeed in exams… yet stumble when asked: Why are you learning? What do you want to become? What does all of this mean to you?
This is not the laziness of a new generation, but an old parenting and educational pattern: performance before meaning. We are skilled at producing a student who satisfies the system, and far less skilled at producing a human being who understands himself within that system. When education turns into a race for grades, school life becomes a survival game rather than a journey of discovery, and “what is required” becomes a low ceiling we convince our children is the sky.
Self-Determination Theory, as presented by Ryan and Deci (2000), reminds us that humans are not driven only by reward and punishment. They need three deep psychological needs: autonomy, competence, and relatedness. When these needs are supported, intrinsic motivation grows, and learning becomes a life the student lives—not a task he escapes from. This distinction is not abstract educational theory; it explains what we see daily: a student who shines because the idea belongs to him, and another who withers because learning has become a social burden disconnected from his self.
Recent theoretical analyses reinforce this perspective. Large-scale reviews such as Howard et al. (2021) and Bureau et al. (2022) indicate that more “self-determined” forms of motivation are consistently associated with greater perseverance, calmer school experiences, and better outcomes, whereas motivation driven by pressure or fear correlates with weaker engagement and lower well-being. The real question, then, is not whether the student succeeds—but with what inner statehe succeeds.
This does not mean that rewards are inherently harmful. However, excessive reliance on tangible and predictable rewards can strip learning of its meaning. The well-known meta-analysis by Deci, Koestner, and Ryan (1999), which reviewed 128 studies, found that certain types of material rewards can undermine intrinsic motivation when learners feel their drive has become more “external” than “internal.”
Thus, you may see a student chasing grades instead of ideas; fearing mistakes more than longing to ask questions; measuring his worth by what others see on a report sheet rather than by how he feels about himself. When he graduates, he carries an excellent certificate… but also carries a void called “the reason.”
Perhaps repairing this void begins with our everyday language: not limiting our questions to “What did you score?” but asking, “What did you understand? What sparked your curiosity? Where did you feel stronger?” By giving students small spaces of choice within learning, and making them feel that their voice is part of the journey—not decoration in its margins.
A student who only knows what is required may succeed… but will stumble at life’s first real question. A student who knows why he learns—even when he stumbles—knows how to return.
